Leo.

Leo Mack Pavelka
1/7/11
10:06am
7 lbs 8 oz
19 inches
Punk rock hair.

This is Leo's birth story. I have to be honest that luck played a role - I had an incredibly short labor. I went to the hospital at 8:30am and he was born at 10:06am - I only pushed for a half an hour.

My contractions started at 10:30pm. I labored all night by myself, thinking that it was another false start. I used a handful of 'tricks.' I did a hip swing dance that we learned in yoga. I pictured that I was shaking him out and down very slowly. I also kept my mouth relaxed on the contractions. I blew horse lips. I listened to music and moaned. I never slept, though I tried to doze between contractions. It wasn't until I needed a shower at 2am to ease the back pain that it occurred to me that it was probably the real thing. My husband was on call at the hospital. I paged him and told him that I thought I'd be in full labor by the morning. I told him he could stay at work. I was not afraid to be by myself at first. I called my doula at 5 and we were really casual about it...she planned to come over around 7. At 630, I was still home alone and my water broke. At this point the contractions became something else entirely. Until my water broke, I had been able to tell myself not to fight the contractions - to "go deep" into them and not resist against them. After my water broke, and having not slept all night, my strength was zapped. I did not know that I was nearing transition! I started to panic.

My husband rushed home after I called to tell him my water broke. He arrived 10 minutes before my doula. By the time they both got there I was pretty far gone. I was more tired than I had ever been in my life. I couldn't relax on the contractions anymore. My husband said he felt pretty helpless because I was kind of out of my head. I became pretty inconsolable. I had no idea how dilated I was but I knew that it hadn't been much time, I had not slept at all, I did not have any strength left, and I feared that I would not physically be able to sustain a long labor. I decided I wanted an epidural. My husband and Renee asked if I was sure. I was disappointed in myself but I didn't feel like I had the strength to get through any more contractions. I remind you that I thought I was about 2 cm dilated at this point, had not slept, and feared a long labor. So we went to the hospital and Dr. I checked me - I was 8. She said, "You can have an epidural if you want...but you're there. Plus, the anesthesiologist is in surgery right now so you couldn't have one for an hour." My husband looked at me and said, "Lindsay. You did it." So I had a few more contractions and was ready to push. It was me, Matt, my doula Renee, an incredible L&D nurse named Judy, and Dr. I. It could not have felt any LESS like a hospital - I felt like I was surrounded by midwives. I got naked because it felt right. Dr. I suggested that I try pushing on my knees, with my back to her. She also suggested that I let the contractions tell me when to push. (YES, she is really an OBGYN and not a midwife!). I let the contractions guide me. Pushing was half wild relief and half wild animal. My mom later asked my husband if watching me push was scary for him - he said it was the opposite of scary, it seemed so natural. I only pushed for a half hour. At one point I told my doula I couldn't do it any more. She said, "Yes you can. Say that you can." I yelled, "I can do this." Two contractions later, I thought I felt his head come out - but Dr. I said, "Look down at your baby!" and passed him through to me and Matt between my legs! I couldn't believe he was here. He looked exactly like both Matt and I. Matt said he was screaming before his feet came out of me! He was so alert right away. I held him a long time while they all cooed over us. They never pushed me to hurry so they could bathe him, it all just happened when the time was right.

I had a second-degree tear but I never felt it happen (do your Kegels!). I felt so high after the birth. I can honestly say that Leo's birth was the most important, loving and transformative event of my life. My husband and I have been together for nearly ten years and I fell in love with him in a whole new way.

And Leo is amazing! Love of my life. He is more beautiful than I could have dreamed. Picture blog soon. Just had to dump these thoughts while he napped.