Halloween

Leo, what do you want to be for Halloween?

"A Kitty! A Kitty, with ears on my head, and furrr, and a taaaaail..."

What should Papa be?

"a....a....A TIGER!!!!"

What should Mama be?

"A six."

Treasures

I've been saving all of Leo's treasures from our beach and woods hikes. We come home and his pockets are full of rocks, leaves, and seashells. I love him. But even more, I love finding treasures in Matt's pockets - the rocks, leaves and seashells that wouldn't fit in Leo's pockets.

Santa Cruz.

A new blog is so overdue; it's hard for me to figure out where the heck to start.

We moved! We left Hermosa Beach on a Monday morning. Leo and I drove about 8-10 hours (I honestly don't remember how long it took) alone together - incidentally, the longest trip I'd ever driven nonstop and with a toddler to boot! - and with a few stops, tears and frightening diapers, we did great and arrived in Santa Cruz that evening around the same time as Matt, who left much later. 

The transition has been - I don't want to say "harder" because it's all been pretty great - but much more "complicated" (maybe?) than I expected. We moved from our 8-900 square foot tiny cramped place into an 1800-square-foot house with three bathrooms and a huge garage and two big decks, as well as a big, sloped backyard with an apple tree and tiny creek in the back - still pretty unexplored, as we discovered a lot of poison oak back there. It has been incredible to have so much space - and the house is very, very beautiful and nice with all-updated appliances - but the transition was just more complicated than I expected. 

A lot of things happened all at once at the beginning. Our washing machine went out just days after moving in. We have no cell service at the house and had to get a landline just to be able to make phone calls and for Matt's work (he will sometimes have to go in early if the ER is very busy). There is a woman in her 60s who rents a room downstairs that was converted into a studio, and that relationship has been a bit closer than what we were prepared for by the landlords, though it is better now since we have had a plumber out to do some work on the water pressure and we are now able to shower simultaneously and run the dishwasher in the evenings. She is kind and keeps to herself and is friendly with us, and is not bothered by noise. She also sometimes leaves us some treats on our doorstep from her friend's organic farm.

Matt's new job is good - he likes the work, the people and the facility. It's more stressful than residency, as he is often the only doctor on duty in the ER (no attending to report to - he's the attending now!)  - and when he works nights, he's the only doctor in the whole hospital. He works much, MUCH less than he did in residency. The shifts are fewer and shorter. It's so much better. We're having a bit of trouble working out a soundproof place for him to sleep during the day after swing or night shifts, but he has a plan for soundproofing a large storage room that we have, so that's our next adventure.

The move has been good for Leo. I felt sad about taking him away from the only friends and home he'd ever known, but I also knew that we didn't want to stay in LA forever, so it was a good time in his life for him to go through such a transition, when he is young enough that we are still right there alongside him to help him process it all. He really loves the new house and all of the play space. At first, it was often hard to get him to even leave the house. He especially loves his "balcony" (the lower level deck, which we've designated "his"). Sometimes when he is tired or grouchy he will tell us that he wants to go home to Hermosa Beach, to "our old house," but this is happening much less often as of late - I don't think he's said it for a week or so now. 

I have such fond memories of Hermosa and the South Bay of LA. I miss my friends so, so deeply, and I'll always have such a heart for it, since we lived there for three years and our lives changed so very much there. 

But...on to the great stuff!

We LOVE it here. We love the pace, the green, the lush, tall redwood trees, and the chillier climate. We love the wildness of the north/central coast - the huge, wild forests and mountains inland and the rocky, cliffy, shell-covered beaches. Our neighborhood, Rio del Mar (technically in Aptos, CA, not Santa Cruz) is, interestingly, the foggiest and chilliest "micro-climate" in Santa Cruz County. Indeed, most mornings look, feel and smell like the mornings I remember waking up to on Lake Fourteen at my Nana's cabin in Northern Minnesota - complete with the smell of my coffee. 

There is so much to do nearby. There is a small and beautiful playground right off of the beach, just a 5-minute bike ride or 10-minute walk from our house. Right up the road is Nisene Marks State Wilderness Reserve an enormous, dark redwood forest full of trails for biking, hiking and running; 20 minutes away on the other side of town is Wilder Ranch State Park, sort of a conglomeration of protected beaches, bike trails, a preserved 19th-century ranch with animals and old barns and all kinds of cool old rusty farm equipment, etc. North of town there is a virgin redwood forest called Henry Cowell - some of the largest and oldest trees in the world. Near that is a railroad with miniature steam engines that you can ride through the forest, up mountains or to the beach. These are just a few of the incredible things nearby that we've found, not even to begin to mention the unbelievably beautiful secret beaches and hikes that are further north up the coast. Oh, and we're 30 minutes north of Monterey - we've joined the famous aquarium, and a trip to Monterey is now one of Leo's favorite family day outings.

Other good stuff - we've made a lot of friends. I pretty much gave out my phone number to every new mom I met when I started going to our toddler gymnastics class, local parks, library storytimes. The best thing that happened is that I met a mom at the library and then later ran into her at the park, and she invited me to join a toddler playschool co-op that she and her friends had started - Leo and I so quickly fell in love with the group and have been having so much fun with them at the biweekly co-ops as well as other little park outings, swimming days, etc. It's been really, really good. We've gotten to the point where our weeks are chock full of fun stuff to do, and we are really enjoying it. I was really prepared to face feelings of loneliness after leaving my amazing group of friends - and I miss them dearly - but being busy and making new friends has been just the best, sweetest icing on the cake of our move here.

I'm trying to upload a bunch of pictures, but (another fun development) this computer has become very slow so I don't know if they're going to come through.

Life is very, very good. I feel like I have space to breathe here, and the air is good and clean. The people are friendly. Before our move, I told several friends and family that I felt like Santa Cruz was reaching out to us - and now I know I was right. At least for now, for this time in our lives, this is the place for us.

Santa Cruz pictures.

Leo's "Balcony"

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the walk to our neighborhood park and beach (Hidden Beach)

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my beloved bro/bestie came for a whole week to help us get settled

(before starting MED SCHOOL!)

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Wilder Ranch

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One of Matt's fellow Watsonville ER docs invited us to watch the Wharf to Wharf race from his yard on Pleasure Point - incredible

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Leo's favorite new game is "take a nap" - it rules and also sorta doesn't

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Our cute kitchen - someone teach me how to not be cluttered?

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Monterey Day - I love this picture because in the background is the hotel Matt and I stayed at on our "babymoon" trip three years ago!

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Monterey Bay Aquarium - sea otter happy face

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The upstairs deck off of our bedroom (far end) and kitchen/dining room

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Henry Cowell Redwood State Park - yawn

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Our landlord forgot to put up the privacy paper on our master bathroom door - incidentally, this is Leo's "poop face" (he also yells "I need some space")

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Loving our co-op

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This is typical - Leo and I drove west on Highway 1 into Santa Cruz for a grocery trip, and when we drove back home to Rio del Mar for lunch and nap, we drove back into the fog

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our street after arriving home that same morning

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A windy day up the coast between SC and Half Moon Bay

we do [more] faces

Please pardon my overuse of Photobooth and this particular gimmick. But we just think it's hilarious.

(Please also pardon my slobby pajamas and post-beach pre-biweekly-hairwash hair and super crazy messy house)

(the actors prepare)

Crying

 Angry

Happy

Boring

 Surprised

Sad

Kiss (he actually is willingly kissing me back here, he leaned in and everything)

Recent discussions, recorded here for when my memory fails me

Mama: Leo, let's make Papa a Fathers' Day card with your crayons!
Leo: No, I don't want to.
Mama: Want to use finger paints?
Leo: NO, I don't want to, I'm NOT happy about dis!

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Mama: [in a discussion about grandparents]...and Grandpa is my daddy.
Leo: No. Papa is my daddy.
Mama: Papa is your daddy, and Grandpa is my daddy, and Grandma is my mom.
Leo: No. Papa is my daddy. Sorry babe.

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Mama: Leo, want to go to the park?
Leo: Oh no, I can't go, it's too sunny, too bright in the eyes.

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Mama: Leo, want to go outside?
Leo: No, can't go outside, it's so cold, it's so rainy, it's so windy.
[it was a gloriously warm, sunny day]

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Papa: Leo, come here and look at this.
Leo: NOOOOOOOO!
Mama: Leo! Can you say no nicely?
Leo: NOOOOO TAAAAANKS!

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[we recently had the discussion about "not touching other people's bodies" i.e. hitting, pushing etc; Leo and I walked out of the house yesterday morning and:]
[patting his tummy and legs] I'm touchin' my body...I'm touchin' my body...I'm touchin' my body.

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[during a hand-in-hand evening walk by the beach]
Mama, I'm so happy. It's a Mama and Leo day. [kisses my hand]

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[driving home after an afternoon at the pool, tiny voice from back of car]
Papa, tank you for swimming with Leo.

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[walking in the marina on a lovely evening, passing by a group of people speaking Arabic]
Buenas dias.

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Mama, I'm missing food in my mouth. I need a cupcake in there.

love song for the past three years

We're moving in five weeks. To a new part of the state (country really), to a new house. New friends, new everything.

This is the big goal, this is what we have worked toward for ten years, when Matt started his pre-calc and bio classes as a post-baccalaureate student at Texas State University in the hopes of some day applying to medical school. In five weeks, he will graduate from residency and will take his first job as a board-eligible emergency physician, and we are moving to a new and beautiful place with mountains, ocean, and thick redwood forests.

We have had a beautiful three years here in Hermosa Beach, but we are so ready for this change, to live in a more spacious part of the country with fewer freeways, less congestion, and larger yards. 

But I'm so sentimental lately. First, in the TWELVE (!) years that Matt and I have lived together, we have never lived in an apartment as long as we have lived in this tiny beachside place. We signed this lease before going overseas for our pre-residency backpacking trip to SE Asia, from which I returned pregnant, and we breathed a sigh of relief that we had selected a (very small) two-bedroom apartment. The landlord was great, the rent was shockingly decent, the place was cute, and the location was outstanding. We figured that after the kiddo arrived we'd upgrade to something bigger, but it just never happened. Every time we found a place and almost signed a lease, we backed out - the cost of moving (often $5-7000 with deposits, here in LA) and the time and work just didn't seem worth it. 

At times, this tiny place has made me feel crazy. I'm not good at design or organization, and the place does not get an ocean breeze, so it's very hot in the summer. Since we basically assumed that we'd be moving, there were certain things I never did that could have made it feel more homey: like taking down the industrial-looking rough-cut blackout curtain fabric sheets that cover our bedroom windows so Matt can sleep after night shifts...or like getting an actual dresser in Leo's room, instead of a plastic bin with drawers.

At times, it just felt like a stepping-stone place. An apartment where we were living while we looked to find something that suited our life as a family better.

But...

...this is the place where I was pregnant.

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 This was the last place that we lived with our kitty (of 10 years).

 (Can you BELIEVE what you are seeing? Yup, I used to let Matt nap!)

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  The walking-distance views are, quite simply, incredible.

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This was where we prepared for Leo's arrival.

  

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And this was the last place that we lived as just a couple.

He's going to kill me for this, his "first day of residency" picture! I sent it to our moms.

Below, first Hermosa surf (and what pregnant wife did to pass the time while he surfed)

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And, of course, this was our son's first home.

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I learned what it was like to live right next to the beach and to visit anytime I wanted. I learned that baby powder gets sand off of skin like nothing else. I learned that there is no limit to the height of SPF through which I will burn, and that a lightweight scarf, when worn correctly, can be fashionable and practical as beachwear.

This was where I lived when I became a mother and experienced all of the love, pain, and sacrifice that comes with that title. This was where I watched my husband become a physician and experience of all the love, pain and sacrifice that comes with that title. This was where, despite having had many good friendships in my life, I found friendship on a different level - friends that I learned to lean on like family when I needed them, and I learned how to be a good friend in return.

I learned what hard work really was. I learned how to set a goal and work towards it. I learned how to run and I learned how to cook. 

I know all the parks. I know every store that has a Thomas the Train table within a ten-mile radius. I know which mall has a glass-windowed elevator that, when my son is sick and we have to get out of the house and it's raining, he will ride happily for a half hour. I know where all of the swingsets and bathrooms are located at every stretch of beach within biking distance.

My life changed so much here. I'll miss it. I'll miss the places, the people, the familiarity.

But I am so ready for our next adventure.