Everything is far from perfect.

So often, we only write about the good things. I think that parents do each other a disservice in this way. No one wants to complain, lest we sound like our love for our children is subpar. I don't even feel the need to preface this blog by saying "I love my child more than life itself and wouldn't change things for a billion dollars" (ok, I do feel the need to preface this blog with the above phrase. Got it? I love him. I love my life. Moving on)

Parents have it so hard. You love your child intensely but they complicate your life infinitely, your time isn't your own, and you have resigned yourself to pretty much never sleeping eight straight hours again without waking at least once just out of habit.

I always thought I was "a homebody" because I liked "being at home." Wrong. Since having a baby I have realized that I am anything but. Matt and I were always running out at all hours for a random spur-of-the-moment late-night dinner, yoga class, whatevs. On the weekends we were rarely found sitting at home, always at a movie, walking around, seeing live music, out to dinner, etc. Even while he was in med school.

ALLLLLL of that changes when you have a child. Dare I say it? I miss it. I miss being able to just take off and do whatever I want. I miss being able to go to a coffeeshop and sit with a book (HAHAHA like I ever did that), I miss being able to just go for a walk or go to a yoga class or a movie or a bar or a friend's house.

We do the best we can. Today, for example. Today was a beautiful day. We took a nice drive up the coast and found a cute bistro and had breakfast and then returned home. We both napped (um, taking turns watching the baby, obv). Later in the day we started feeling stir crazy. CRAZY. Matt hitched up the Burley baby bike trailer and we rode up to Manhattan Beach and then back to Hermosa and stopped and ate dinner by the beach. We watched the sun set, we rode home. Leo loves his bike trailer, he smiled at all of the ladies and all of the dogs and laughed as we barked like dogs at him all the way home. He took a bath and went to bed. Then I took a bath and relaxed.

We adore him. It was a good day. Eating TWO meals out in one day? This baby is a champ. Did I mention he got a tooth today? Nary a fuss.

We are blessed beyond belief. I think I have made that perfectly clear, and that is why I don't feel guilty about being honest about missing my old life. It's ok. As one of my wise friends told me - missing your old life means you had a good life even before the baby.

Avocado Face, I love you more than anything.

He makes me laugh.

Malibaby

We took a spontaneous day trip to Malibu today so Matt could surf and Leo and I could play on the beach. It was so spur-of-the-moment that we just threw a bunch of stuff in bags and went...it was cool at our house so I didn't even bring swimsuits for Leo and I and I sort of wish I had, as he had SO much fun crawling in the wet sand, his pants were soaked through.


When we first got there, we set ourselves up with his play blanket and some toys and he had some lunch, then I carried him down to the water and let him watch the surf come in. Then I held his hands while he walked around a bit. Finally, after much hesitation on my part, I just put him down and let him go. He immediately squealed with pure glee and headed straight for the waves. For the better part of an hour he crawled in the wet sand (I had to constantly redirect him from the water, surfboards, tasty-looking kelp) screaming and laughing with joy. He absolutely loved it.

He finally started melting down a little and was getting really annoyed with his hat and with me for wiping sand off of his face and not letting him put things in his mouth, then he face-planted and took a big mouthful of sand and it was not happyville anymore. Very fortunately, Matt's daddy-telepathy kicked in and he came in from his surfing at that moment and gave Leo a little cleaning in the cold shower.


We ended our day with a little dinner out (burgers for Matt and I, avocado and bits of sweet potato fries for Leo) and a trip to the park. Lovely day for a mama, a papa, and a 9 1/2 month old sweet boy.


We had so much fun, I could hardly get him to stop to nurse. Sitting with the pump for a loooong time tonight...hence, a blog post.

Leo's dad at nine months

This post needs no commentary. Amiright?

Almost nine months

oh man...I have been sucking at blogging lately. Every time I think about writing a blog I start thinking about how much has changed and I don't know where to start so I just usually forget about it and neglect it some more.

Leo crawls, Leo pulls himself up, Leo pulls himself around the living room hanging on to furniture (cruising?), Leo feeds himself some finger foods. When he wakes in the night he stands in the same corner of his crib wailing until one of us comes to the bedroom door and then he smiles huge.

He is very attached to me. I think he's going through that separation anxiety phase. He often cries or whimpers when I leave the room. He loves his Papa and thinks he is the greatest thing ever but lately when he is upset he just wants Mama Mama Mama.

He is very very funny. He makes himself laugh a lot or laughs at Matt and I. Tonight while we were feeding him dinner Matt put a Youtube video of the Red Hot Chili Peppers on and Leo started dancing in his highchair. It was his first spontaneous dance session. Lots of arms, lots of bouncing.

My parents were here for a week and we had so much fun. I was so sad when they left even though I am going up to visit them soon. While they were here we tried to go out for a date night but we had to come home early because Leo had a meltdown and refused to take the bottle from my mom or even let her bring him near his nursery. We went out the next night instead, after he went to bed.

We went to San Diego to visit our dear friends a few weeks ago, right up until we got there Leo was still just an army-crawler but the second we put him down on the floor at the Galloways' he started crawling with his belly up off of the ground. A couple weeks later he was pulling up in the living room and at first we had to be behind him all of the time but now he is a lot more stable. Sometimes he gets a look of very intense, fascinated concentration and slowly lets go of whatever he was holding on to and balances on just his two feet...this never lasts more then ten seconds (yet) but he is always kind of amazed with himself after it happens.

Leo is sick. He got a cold which became a mild case of croup and an ear infection. We haven't slept for over a week. Last night he only woke three times and I was thrilled (except this morning I woke up sick too, oh well). I was pretty much just sleeping in the glider in his room sitting up holding him while he coughed. It was very sad.

We are working on a pretty good routine for the day. Leo enjoys eating his fruits and veggies and various other grownup foods (mostly still pureed). Most evenings we meet up with a friend at the park before bath and bed. This is a lovely part of our day for both Leo and his Mama...he gets to see other baby friends and crawl in the grass and swing and pull up on the few little pieces of park equipment at our local park, and I get to decompress with a mama friend and relax and sometimes we even sneak wine in (a weekend-night tradition among some of the moms at our local park, we are the newbies). After this outing Leo is usually nearing a catastrophic meltdown and I am usually alone at this point (Matt is more often than not working swing or night shifts) but when Matt is home we try many different creative ways to get Leo bathed, diapered, lotioned, jammied without a meltdown...usually it involves one parent doing constant distraction while the other does the lotioning, etc. It's all fun, isn't it?

And finally, a special moment from last night. I was rocking Leo to sleep in the dark, holding my milked and exhausted sweet sick boy who was snoring in my arms, enjoying the smell of his lovely head and the relaxation after a busy day...Matt came into the room, smiling at me sweetly, and very slowly leaned over to whisper in my ear. I was so excited to hear the sweet words of adoration, appreciation, affection come of his mouth...but instead he said, so softly: "where is that big bag of cheese popcorn?"

Ah, marriage.

Guy stuff

In case anyone out there had any doubts about paternity - this should settle things, once and for all.

Leo's mornings

Leo is over seven months old now. Where has the time gone? It seems like I just found out I was pregnant.

Every morning I wake up to the sounds of Leo cooing, coming through the monitor from his room to mine. I get out of bed, creep to the kitchen and start making my coffee. I wash my face, etc, then get a cup of coffee ready. At this point he's usually been up about 15-20 minutes, so I creep into his room and hang his mobile up for him (we don't leave it up all the time, it's too exciting!) and give him a couple of toys. I usually do this very quickly and quietly, I don't even really engage him at all. This usually buys me about 10-15 more minutes of wake-up time for myself. All in all, he'll usually play and coo and crawl around in his crib for about 30-45 minutes! I love that he does this and that I have this quiet time to myself every day. Only once in the past few months has this ever been disrupted - one morning he stuck one of his feet through the crib slats and yelled for me.

I can usually tell when my time is up, so I go into his room, raise the lights and get a HUMONGOUS smile. It is like the sun coming out - only 10000 times more beautiful than the sun to me. :) If Matt is home, this impossibly huge smile is somehow even huge-er at the sight of his dad at home in the morning! Anyway, I sing a dumb little morning song, change his diaper, nurse him for a hot minute and then we go out to start our day, usually with some playing and a Skype with one of Leo's grandmas before we have a fruit and some cereal. About two hours after he awakens, Leo will be ready for a nap.

I feel like I've really nailed the mornings. If only I could feel this confident about every aspect of parenting, I'd be set!

We're doing great, all in all. I love this boy so, so much.