When you go to a movie by yourself, you must pay VERY close attention to spatial relationships. You must sit neither too close nor too far from any other moviegoer(s) and maintain an equal distance from all other persons. If someone lacking such sensitivity to spatial relationships (i.e. a close sitter) chooses to sit near you, you must very casually shift seats - while NOT attracting attention the fact that you are shifting. A close sitter is likely to shift along with you and possibly be a creep. You can roll up the top of your popcorn bag, take a quick bathroom break, return during the previews, and choose a seat a few seats further away from Creepy.
You must never:
1) Make eye contact with other solo moviegoers, especially creepies.
1b) Make eye contact with anybody, really. Couples are worse. It exposes you as a creep. Which you are - because you went to The Time Traveler's Wife by yourself.
2) Laugh out loud. (Not just because it's The Time Traveler's Wife - and yes, there were funny parts).
2b) Slap your knee (Matt says I slap my knee when I laugh in movies).
3) Cry. Sniffle. Remove a wadded-up popcorn napkin from your purse and use it to wipe your tears. I loved the book, all right?
So what did you think?
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